My heart needed a changin...

After we had Olivia, we almost instantly were ready for another baby.  The more time that went on with raising her, the greater the desire grew in our hearts for more children.  And we wanted nothing more than to give Little O a sibling.  She was becoming so aware of babies and asking lots of questions about babies, when we were going to have a baby in our family, etc.  Most of her friends had baby brothers or sisters and she was well aware that we did not.  We had been trying to have another baby since just before her first birthday (December 2011) and things were not going according to our plan.  As I mentioned in my first post, a seed was planted long ago on our hearts to one day adopt a child.  We talked about adopting one day but deep down I'm not totally sure we would have ever actually done it if it weren't for the prodding God knew we needed. While I don't believe God wished multiple miscarriages on us, I do believe He used each one to help us get one step closer to adopting.  He helped us see that adoption was the direction He wanted us to go and ultimately, He helped us realize this is what we wanted too.

For some reason, I almost felt like if we started the adoption process and started telling people we were adopting then we were somehow giving up on having more biological children and for a long time that was a hard reality to face.  I didn't want people to think we were adopting because it was our last resort.  And I certainly didn't want our future adopted child/ren to ever think they were a consolation prize.  God had been working on my heart for many months and I had reached the point where I was very excited about growing our family through adoption - I didn't know it at the time, but that feeling is what I'd been waiting for before I could truly get on board with adopting.  We didn't want to adopt just so we could have more children in our family or because it seemed like our only option.  We wanted to be excited and passionate about it.  We wanted it to be our Plan A.  Thank you Lord for allowing my heart to change, for turning it toward adoption and for never giving up on us.

I without-a-doubt believe that Rosalyn was meant to be a part of our family from the beginning.  We needed her and she needed us.  God brought us together in a way that only He could, and I'm daily humbled at the fact that someone else chose us to be Rosalyn's parents.  What an honor.

One goal I hope to to accomplish through this blog is to raise awareness about adoption.  Help others understand that adoption is not only an option but it's a good option.  In just the five months we've had Rosalyn, I've realized how uneducated our culture is regarding adoption.  I get stopped almost every day by people who ask and say all sorts of things.  I've started writing them down and will share on the blog at some point.  I believe most people mean well, they are just not sure what to say or how to react a lot of times.

I've mentioned in a few of my posts that I suffered several miscarriages.  Three to be exact.  I have been thinking a lot about them lately, mostly my first one and feel like it's time to share more of my heart.  It's not a fun or easy topic to talk about but one that I feel should be discussed.  There are a lot (unfortunately) of people out there who are in a dark place because they've walked this road too, and I want them to know they are not alone.  The day we went to the doctor to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time is the day that changed me forever.  It's the day that rocked my world, knocked me off course, changed the way I see things and sometimes, when the house is completely quiet, memories of that day keep me up at night.

January 16, 2012, is a day I remember all too well...